


the idiots' love song

by Anonymous



Series: things better left unsaid [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble Collection, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: A series of short, fluffy drabbles to celebrate KakaIru.“Your hair does not look soft, so I’m going to tell sensei.” He beckoned Iruka over, like an excited child, ignoring the killing intent coming off in waves from Tsunade.“It was Ayase-san,” he stage whispered. “He yelled me for reading and I told him it wasn’t my fault that he didn’t know how to read.”“If I were Ayase-kun, I would have knocked you out,” mumbled Tsunade.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: things better left unsaid [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020553
Comments: 12
Kudos: 133
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chakra Depletion

“Your hair looks soft. Can I touch it?”

“I didn’t know chakra depletion caused the disappearance of a brain to mouth filter, Hokage-sama.”

“Idiot brat never had one,” grumble Tsunade. She adjusted the checked the bag connected to the IV and gave Iruka a gleeful smile.

“Oh, you’re in for a treat sensei. We usually don’t give him this one because it works as a mind altering substance on good days and causes him to go completely feral on bad days. But I guess he pissed off the nurses again today. Hey, brat. Who was your nurse?”

Kakashi’s hazy eye narrowed at her, deeming her suspicious right from the get go.

“Your hair does _not_ look soft, so I’m going to tell sensei.” He beckoned Iruka over, like an excited child, ignoring the killing intent coming off in waves from Tsunade.

“It was Ayase-san,” he stage whispered. “He yelled me for reading and I told him it wasn’t my fault that he didn’t know how to read.”

“If I were Ayase-kun, I would have knocked you out,” mumbled Tsunade. “Anyway,” she said, in a slightly louder voice. “Have fun Iruka-sensei, the drugs will last a few hours. Please enjoy yourself.”

And then she left Iruka with Kakashi high as a kite and already reaching for his hair tie. His hair fell over his shoulders and was carefully pet by calloused hands. For a morbid moment, Iruka thought about all the people those hands had killed and then forced that thought away. Those hands had also held him gently, with bruising force and once upon a time, endearing hesitance.

“Are you done, Kakashi?”

“You’re not using honorifics. Do we know each other, sensei?”

Iruka sighed and braced himself for a long explanation. Kakashi looked delighted as he spoke, never once letting go of his hair.

“Maa sensei, I must have done something good for this village if it meant ending up with you.”

Iruka flicked his nose. (He had seen Kakashi do it to Bisuke exactly once, which led to a lot of sad looks and the ninken camping in Iruka’s house for a few days until their summoner was forced to grovel.)

“You should be too exhausted to flirt. Lie back down before I call Ayase-san again.”

Kakashi shot him a wounded look but did as he was told, making grabby hands at Iruka.

“Lie down with me and I’ll behave.”

“…fine.”

By the time they woke up, Ayase-san had taken multiple photographs of Kakashi smushed against Iruka’s neck and given them to the Hokage for blackmail purposes, replaced the strong painkiller with one that made Kakashi more coherent and for some reason, drew one heart on Iruka’s cheek.

“I am _never_ coming to the hospital again.” 

Iruka rubbed his cheek with grim determination.

“Agreed.”


	2. Protect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka tries to fight an ANBU, it does not go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pre-slash, 'what if iruka was put into the same orphanage as naruto' universe

“Hey! What are you doing?”

The ANBU titled their head at him, surprised at being addressed in such an aggressive manner. Iruka was sure they felt him earlier but was surprised that they didn’t flicker away the second he made his way towards them. Of course, that could also have to do with the child that was tugging at the ANBU’s silver hair insistently.

“Iru-cha!”

“I know what’s inside him but you’re going to have to fight me if you want to hurt him!”

Shakily, Iruka pulled out a kunai, trying to remember what his academy sensei had said. He knew that the ANBU could take him down before he could even draw a breath, but he would take his chances.

“Let Naruto-chan go.”

There was distinct amusement coming from the ANBU, like they couldn’t believe a genin was challenging them. They set Naruto down gently and pushed him towards Iruka.

“Thank you for taking care of him.”

With a lazy wave, they disappeared leaving Iruka confused and Naruto tugging at his pants.

“Iru-cha, up!”


	3. kiss me darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time was at Ichiraku’s, with Iruka inhaling the ramen at an ungodly speed. He stared at the tiny fleck of broth on the corner of Iruka’s lips before swooping in and licking it off. Iruka blinked at him, stunned. 
> 
> “You had something on your face.”
> 
> “I…see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> established relationship, possible ooc kakashi

It started off as a game.

Kakashi had mastered the art of eating without other people noticing, so giving Iruka sneaky kisses should be fairly simple. No one in Konoha had ever caught him with his mask down, except Gai. But Gai was an anomaly who could predict his movements even before he did them and also Kakashi’s best friend, so he was allowed a few liberties like seeing Kakashi mask-less and helping him give the ninken a bath. (It was also incredibly amusing to see Gai sputter and apologise, despite having seen Kakashi’s face more times than any other person alive.) 

The first time was at Ichiraku’s, with Iruka inhaling the ramen at an ungodly speed. He stared at the tiny fleck of broth on the corner of Iruka’s lips before swooping in and licking it off. Iruka blinked at him, stunned.

“You had something on your face.”

“I…see.”

* * *

The second time was outside the Hokage’s office, when Kakashi was leaving and Iruka was entering with a handful of documents.

“Do you need some help, sensei?”

“Just the door please, Kakashi-san.”

Kakashi held the door open like he was asked and bent down to press the tiniest of kisses on the tip of Iruka’s nose as he brushed by. The only indication that it had happened was the slight hitch in Iruka’s breathing.

“See you around, sensei.”

* * *

The third time, Naruto almost caught him. In his defence, he hadn’t expected Jiraiya to bring the fifteen year old to a bar that exclusively catered to higher ranked shinobi and their significant others, but apparently Jiraiya had not lost his capacity to shock Kakashi.

Iruka was livid and gave the sannin such a thorough dressing down that Kakashi wanted to swoon. He did so enjoy Iruka’s yelling.

“Maa sensei, let them be. It’s not like Naruto is drinking.”

“You shouldn’t be allowing this either,” Iruka hissed. “Do _you_ want to explain to Tsunade-sama why a drunk jinchūriki is painting Hokage mountain?”

Though the thought was amusing, Kakashi was more distracted by Iruka, his face flushed with anger and lips pressed into a thin line. He leaned in and lowered his mask slightly, so that his lips would brush against Iruka’s ears as he spoke.

“Wouldn’t that be something? The Nidaime with a moustache.”

Iruka choked on a laugh and pushed him away, eyes narrowed.

“I’m on to you, Hatake-san. Whatever you’re planning won’t work on me.”

Kakashi winked at him, and then hurriedly pushed his mask up before Naruto noticed.

“How do you know it hasn’t worked already, sensei?”

(Iruka didn’t steal kisses as much as throwing a smoke bomb in the mission control room and yanking Kakashi down by his flak jacket. Kakashi called it dramatic especially considering the chaos that was caused afterwards, but the silly expression on his face gave him away.)


	4. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka sighed, finally accepting defeat. It was one thing to help out your favourite person in the village, but dealing with Hatake Kakashi was way beyond his realm of expertise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pre-slash

“It’s like he doesn’t know when to take it easy, ya know? Like a feral cat that’s fighting even when it knows it will lose.”

Iruka looked at him, amused.

“That’s an interesting analogy, but I’m sure it fits.”

“I heard Tsunade-baa-chan telling Shikamaru’s dad that all jounin were a bunch of feral cats in a sack. Or their minds were feral. I don’t remember, there was something about feral cats and jounin and Kakashi-sensei is a jounin. He can be feral, I think. I cross-checked the meaning with Sakura-chan so I know I’m not using it wrong.” He stopped and turned to Iruka with an imploring look. “Please Iruka-sensei? Just once in a while to make sure he’s alive?”

Dammit. Even if he had planned to refuse earlier, Iruka was really weak to those eyes. It was the reason he had a separate bank account to fund Naruto’s ramen cravings.

“Oh, alright. I still think you should ask Gai-san, considering they’re actually friends and not two strangers bound by a common student.”

Naruto shot him a dubious look.

“Bushy-brows sensei is scary. And if they’re friends, doesn’t that mean he knows Kakashi-sensei’s bullshit the best?”

“Language!”

“Ow, ow I’m sorry, geez. But you know I’m right.”

Iruka sighed, finally accepting defeat. It was one thing to help out your favourite person in the village, but dealing with Hatake Kakashi was way beyond his realm of expertise.

Naruto yelled happily, recognising the look on Iruka’s face and gave him a barely-there hug before running away.

“I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow before I leave, Iruka-sensei! Thank you!”

* * *

Iruka tried to be as unobtrusive as possible. He found Kakashi’s address through some good old-fashioned snooping, though the Godaime found out before he left for the day. She was amused enough to let it go, but Iruka knew concern when he saw it.

He made care packages once a week and left them outside the jounin’s apartment. Was leaving strange boxes outside a shinobi’s home suspicious? Definitely. But Iruka was doing this for Naruto, and his stupidly large heart that thought one of the adults he cared for was going to fall apart. He was more right than he realised and Iruka loved him fiercely for it. So he sucked it up and put together things that he thought Kakashi would like for as long as he was able to.

After a month and a slight drain on the ramen account (Naruto would forgive him), Iruka found a box and a note taped to it outside his door. The handwriting was barely legible but the henohenomoheji was distinctive.

_Sensei,_

_Thank you for the food, I assume Naruto put you up to it. Will have back to back missions so please don’t send anymore. Let me buy you ramen someday._

Inside the box were all the Icha Icha books, newly bought and unopened. Iruka let himself smile and then promptly set the box on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> marking it complete because i'll probably post more as a part of the series :)

**Author's Note:**

> it has been a while since i wrote naruto, so please forgive me for any glaring errors


End file.
